What Father's Day Means To Me
Father's Day means many things to many people. Our entire team has participated in creating this Blog with the willingness to share through vulnerability and transparency their unique experiences to express what Father's Day means to them. Through reading each experience, we hope each reader will find a place of connection and unity through at least one of their stories and perspectives. You are never alone. Today we grieve, celebrate, cry, laugh and deal with complex emotions of Father's Day right along with you.
What Father's Day Means To Me: Mary Ann Green
Father’s Day feels very different when you have lost a father you loved so deeply. For me, it means dealing with complex emotions, I didn’t have to deal with before. My father passed away on September 30, 2023 due to complications from a rare congenital heart defect and bladder cancer. I was blessed with a very good dad, one who affirmed my value, supported my endeavors and had a positive outlook.
My rip current moment was Father’s Day of last year. While this was one of those firsts that I expected to be hard, the emotion hit me with more intensity because I had not given my grief enough space in the previous months. It happened that Father’s Day weekend was also opening weekend for Inside Out 2 in the theaters. Our family had been anticipating this for months and we went that Saturday. It did not disappoint, and I wrote a whole blog on it here. In retrospect, I think seeing that movie the day before created some space in my heart to ask Anxiety to step back so that Sadness could breathe. Later that night my mom acknowledged that this first Father’s Day without my dad would likely be hard, and a tear trickled. The next morning at church our pastor who lost his dad at age 12 and had come to pray with us during my dad’s final hours invited members of our small church to share what they were feeling. I felt safe so I raised my hand and simply said with tears in my eyes, “Some grief.” I gave space to just allow it while I floated throughout the day. Later that afternoon my mind went to men in my life whom I’m close to who share something in common. They all lost their fathers prematurely. My husband is in this group along with my gymnastics coach, my pastor and 2 other male friends. I checked in with some of them and acknowledged that I was having a hard time. Through that connecting, I received comfort and feel that was from knowing that they had received God’s comfort in their own suffering. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) I felt less alone and thankful.
On Father’s Day celebrate the good men in your life who reflect God’s kindness, goodness and loving protection. Recognize your complex emotions if you are experiencing them and give yourself permission for space to allow yourself to feel your emotions rather than avoid them. And then if in allowing emotions you start to feel overwhelmed, reach out to a supportive person and let them know you are hurting.
What Father's Day Means To Me: Emily Kerlin
Father's Day is when I reflect on my relationship with my father and make sure I honor him for all that he has done for me. The way I do that is by sending a card and small gift and telling him thank you for all that he has done for me. For some, Father's Day can be a day filled with lots of different emotions. If you find yourself experiencing emotions like grief, disappointment, sadness, or anger, I would encourage you to make the day, whatever you need it to be. If you have lost your father, maybe you eat his favorite meal or watch his favorite movie. If your relationship with your father is complicated, I would encourage you to celebrate other male adults you might have in your life or even spend the day with your mother and honor the way she has had to step into both roles.
What Father's Day Means To Me: Madison Gentry
As I face the first Father's Day without my dad, the day now holds a deeper complexity than ever before. Our history has been far from smooth, filled with highs and lows, unmet expectations, and moments of both disappointment and connection. Despite our struggles, as his illness progressed this past year, we were able to mend many of our wounds and find peace in our relationship. I guess caring for a person does that to you. It helps you understand the other and see past your hurt while simultaneously feeling it like never before.The loss of a loved one can either bring people closer together or drive them further apart, and I am grateful for the healing in our relationship. However, I recognize that not everyone's experience is the same. The pain of a broken relationship can intensify the grief process in ways we cannot fully explain. It's a mix of missing them, being angry, loving them, hating them, needing them, yet not wanting to need them.Every relationship with a father shapes us in a unique way, teaching us what we want and don’t want for ourselves and our families. If you are struggling with confusion, grief, or heartbreak this Father's Day, I urge you to embrace these complex emotions with compassion and understanding. If you are unable to do so, find someone who will sit with you through this process. Seek support from those you trust and feel safe with. For those who have strong relationships with their fathers, cherish your time together and have a wonderful time doing so. Fathers, I want to express my heartfelt gratitude for your presence and support within your families. Your role is truly unique, divinely ordained, and undoubtedly challenging. I urge you to recognize the profound significance of your position and to embrace it wholeheartedly. May this Father’s Day be filled with joy, laughter, and love for each and every one of you.
What Father's Day Means To Me: Administrative Assistant
Father's Day to me means both holding both disappointment and Gratefulness. I have a good dad that I love very much. He is talented, funny and very creative. He instilled solid qualities in me as a child that have helped me to this day but he was far from perfect. He wasn't much of a protector and there wasn't really any guidance in my life at all growing up. In many ways he was more like a big brother to me than a "father." I had a very personal relationship with the Lord that was very tangible in my childhood and continues to this day. In the areas my human father lacked, God himself provided. Therefor, I didn't really lack anything growing up, and so Father's Day in that way represents my Father in Heaven and my father on earth and I am incredibly thankful for both.
It would be nice if my writing stopped there, but it doesn't. I see the "my dad is my hero" paper handouts at church for kids to color and cringe at the lack of awareness and pain this brings up in children who come from emotional, physical and sexual abuse, neglect and abandonment. I see the cards and displays at stores lumping all Father's into an amazing hero type category and I can't help but roll my eyes. I feel angry, frustrated, sad, disappointment and yet I also have an understanding that good father's should be celebrated. It's just that ... not all father's are good ... or even present.
I look at my daughter and my heart hurts on this day and is filled with disappointment. Courts cannot force love or feelings of safety, security and trust. Courts cannot erase memories. Far too often, the court system simply ignores and proceeds ... and it's damaging.
I work hard at doing all I can to ensure she won't grow up to have "daddy issues". I make sure to point out good things her dad does do for her and I try to balance perspective. I would be a terrible mother however, to invalidate her memories. Life has happened and we have to face it all, the good and the bad and deal with it. I fantasize about a beautiful relationship one day being able to happen, but first it must include honesty and responsibility. Her memories and emotions must be accepted and validated along with taking personal responsibility for them ...
So Father's Day for me is complex. I do know that if my Heavenly Father provided for me in the areas my earthly father did not, than He is doing that for my little girl too and over all, I have to choose what will rule my thoughts and emotions. Even though I recognize my feelings of disappointment, I am choosing to focus on gratitude. I am grateful for my earthly father who is a good man. I am grateful for the father of my daughter because without him, I wouldn't have her. I am grateful most of all for our Heavenly Father who knows, sees and hears all. No matter what we have or haven't done, no matter where we are now, no matter what we are feeling, our Heavenly Father loves us with a love that is deeper than anything on this earth. He cares about our hearts, our needs and our pain and He welcomes us all as His children. With His love and grace ... today can truly be celebrated by all, and I am grateful.
Wishing you all a beautiful and happy Father's Day ... You are not alone