Mother's Day (from a single mother's perspective) By: Cherie Oakley
I never had some grand idea of what a Mother’s Day should be like. I know some women receive gifts, some are taken out to a nice lunch or dinner, some get breakfast in bed.
I think most moms just want to feel appreciated. Maybe a little extra help around the house on Mother’s Day, a card in the mail from their son or daughter who live out of town, a phone call or a text … Words are really powerful, and it doesn’t take much to tell someone you love them, appreciate and value them, and that means so much! Isn’t that what we all want anyway?
For me personally, I was asked if I was going to do anything for Mother’s Day recently and I said “No, it’s just like any other day “… See, I’m a single mom.
I was on my own during and after my divorce. I didn’t move in with my parents to help me with childcare while I worked and could save money to help me get back on my feet. I don’t have family that live close by, so getting together outside of major holidays like Christmas doesn’t really happen much, and figuring out childcare is a juggling act. I don’t have a situation where gifts are encouraged and purchased for my daughter to give to me on Mother’s Day, (or any holiday). What I do have is the smartest most beautiful, talented little girl in the whole world and she’s mine, and I’m so proud to be her mother. She is worth every ounce of how hard life can be sometimes, but yes, it is hard!
Being a single mother is very hard. I am expected to earn two incomes, be present for her extracurricular activities, spend quality time with her, be both father and mother in my home, the fun parent and the disciplinarian and no one around to back me up, encourage me and make hard decisions with me. It’s just me. It can feel isolating when functions you are invited to clearly state, “no children” and you can’t attend when you can’t find childcare, or you aren’t in the financial position to be able to pay for
childcare so you stay home. Even more isolating when you find out that you were the only one who couldn’t attend and then you get to hear about the fun everyone had the next day. It happens a lot. Being a single mother means you don’t really get to be sick, ever, slow down, stop working or stop at all. Ever.
It's hard when something is too heavy for me to lift and I don’t have an extra person there to help me. It’s hard when the lawn needs mowed, the fence needs fixed, my car breaks down, something breaks, I have a flat tire. It’s hard when I’m scared.
I have to admit though, it feels like I just successfully completed brain surgery when I can google something and fix it on my own, unclog a drain, paint a room or re-arranged furniture and I see my daughter look at me like I’m a superhero! It’s a sense of accomplishment like no other. I realize I am not just her mother, but her role model. Her constant. Her consistency. Her defender and prayer warrior. I am her world and she is mine.
To see her eyes light up, smile and wave when I pull up in car line as if she hasn’t seen me in weeks when it’s only been a short day at school. To sit in the audience to watch her sing or perform and see her eyes scan the crowd to find me and her expression when she does.
And it’s the most amazing feeling in the world to bring her to work with me and see her beam with pride as she watches me sing and perform.
Maybe I don’t have a big Mother’s Day celebration with flowers, breakfast in bed or gifts but I have moments mixed with the struggle that not only mold and shape her but continue to mold and shape me.
I look forward to the Mother’s Day craft she’ll make me at school and maybe we’ll grab a bite to eat after church on Sunday.
To all the moms out there, you have a job that never stops and I applaud you and honor you. To all the single mothers out there, no one will ever find a harder working person than you. No one will also ever find a person who knows how to stretch a
dollar like you! I pray for you all. For strength, patience, endurance, financial blessings and peace and most of all that you don’t feel alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Maybe your church has resources or a ministry to help, a prayer
group or a community for you. Go ahead and schedule that counseling appointment and be up front if you are in need of a sliding scale or assistance. Go ahead and google a local mom’s group and find the support you need. We all need help sometimes, and that’s ok! I’ve listed some options below that I hope will be useful.
May you all have a Happy Mother’s Day, no matter what that looks like. Oh, what a difference you make! xo
Resources
Nurtured Soul Counseling and Wellness - https://nurturedsoulcounseling.com/
The Life of a Single Mom - https://thelifeofasinglemom.com/
Dream Streets TN (Nashville) - https://dreamstreetstn.com/moms
Bastion Foundation Inc. - https://bastionfoundationinc.org/single-mothers-assistance-program/
TN Department of Human Services - https://www.tn.gov/humanservices/tanf-opportunity-act/families-first-community-grant-partners.html